LOVE : True or False ?

True Love ?

Those two words that means endless feelings , experience and memories for a lot of people . Some even say it's the greatest example of fate . The proof of 2 people drawn together from different places , of  different ages , of different color , in short fate brings two people together to experience TRUE LOVE regardless of their differences . 

Is It REAL ?

One of the questions about love that bugs me . And when I say it bugs me , it BUGS me BIG BIG time . I always see how true love is supposed to be . See how people in love says or does for their partners . I can see it everywhere . And at times I think I can smell it in the air as well . What makes me sad is I never felt it . I know  i'm young , so I must say I HAVEN'T FELT it yet . 

Some of the people who really know me tries to make me think back and see or maybe realize that one of those relationships I had , already HAD true love or even a bit of potential . But what those memories made me realize is that , my heart is COLD . Like a rock . Cold hard rock heart is what I have .

I can not ever say that I didn't love my previous partners . I really did love them , in fact I go crazy over break ups . I felt that I can almost die every time my relationships had ended . Crying , hunger strike , and all that break up stuff , I FELT THEM ALL . But what really plays in my head is

WHY DO I LOVE BUT NEVER FELT TRUE LOVE ?

The Unconditional
The Patient
The Selfless
LOVE that a TRUE LOVE'S
supposed to be ?

Feels Like Dead

There are days that I feel so down . I can't understand why . I think that I am hurt but I don't feel it . So it kept me wondering what is it in me that makes me feel all gloomy inside . Is it because I am alone ? Is it because I haven't felt LOVE ?

Can my cold cold heart make me feel this way ?

As I cut through my flesh and let my blood flow out of my slashes , I FELT PEACE . I felt . That's it . I realized I CAN FEEL . I'm not numb . When I see the blood drip to my floor , it feels like my emotions would follow it . Drip drip drip . Then later on I feel alive again . But as days go by , my cuts felt different . I became used to it . 

I cannot think of any other way for me to FEEL AGAIN , to make me feel alive again . Then an idea hit me . I just had to cut in deeper . So I did . Every cut had become deeper than the other . I cut my wrist , I cut my arm , I cut my leg . But it's useless . I cannot feel it anymore . I'm as good as dead . 

I can't stop it anymore . I'd cut myself everywhere but NOTHING FEELS pain anymore . I'm longing for the feeling of sensational pain . I'm longing for that feeling that my body gets from every cut . It's not that pleasurable anymore . I got used to it and now I am back to square one . 

Then I saw a knife . My hand itched as I see it's blade shining . So I took it and for the last time . I CUT MY WRIST as DEEP as I CAN . I didn't feel the blade . But I feel all these blood dripping down the floor as I walked back to my room . 

Then I felt dizzy . Darkness surrounded me . From then I knew nothing will be the same . I just let my body as it fell on the floor . I started to breath slowly and deeply . Until I reached that feeling that this is my last cut . I had to feel my death .
And maybe , just maybe . If somebody sees me lying dead on the floor . Would rescue me and revive me , then maybe my second life wouldn't be so lonely . 

But I hoped not . 

I hoped that NOBODY rescues me . NOBODY revives me . Just leave me lying .

Cold , pale and DEAD . 

At least I don't have to feel so lonely again . 

Star Cove Resort

Last weekend me and my family head on out of town to Balayan , Batangas . 

We went to this place called STAR COVE .

When we came , we were welcomed with an old gate saying STARCOVE so we knew that was really the place . There was 19 of us the including the kids . As we enter a wide garden sits there with an old speed boat in a corner . The speed boat was kind of cool to see . Though it's not working it looked cool to take picture of .

Cool right ? It look like it came out of the water and into the garden . Though it seemed odd , I like it .

The caretakers we're really nice to us . You feel right at home when they start assisting you with your rooms . The place looks really old . We reserve 2 rooms . And we were given room beneath the resort veranda . Our room was just beside the gaming area . It has fooz-ball , billiards , table tennis , chess board and a 2 way bowling alley . 

Since the place seemed old the place looked vintage .

We really enjoyed the game area . It's childhood all over again .

There was a SWIMMING POOL at the back side of the resort that looked like it overlaps the sea behind it . The pool is clean and the sights are just lovely . The nature that surrounds the place is calming and the place in totality is calming . Everywhere you look is nature at it's art . The landscape is wonderful . 

This is not a typical luxurious place to go to for vacations but this place will be perfect for family in tight budget but wants to relax and get out of the city . This place is also good for those people that needs bonding . And for couples , if your partner has an eye for nature , then , this is a good place to go to . Surely you will not spend that much . 

To sum it all up , Star Cove is a place for relaxation w/in you budget's reach .
From 10 being the highest I can rate this place

8 for service

7 for ambiance

and 9 for affordability .

A BAD DREAM ?

There are a lot of things that's going inside my head . I can never imagine how to enumerate them . I can explain how it feels thinking all about my death and what is in it for me after death .

All I want to think about right now is big dark house . Where I sit in the corner , sitting in a ball form wanting to run away but there is nowhere to go . All the time I just want to scream but there is no voice that comes out . My throat feels none of any organs , Nothing to use to scream , talk or curse . All comes out my mouth is my heavy breathing . Then someone comes in from the door at my left . I stared at him as he comes closer . Noticing that he is wearing all white and he's walking all funny .

"Who is this man ?" I said to myself . 

The man in white started walking towards me , with a dagger in his right hand . The dagger with blood dripping down to his shoe . I wanted to run . But my feet doesn't want to . I wanted to scream but no sound comes out my mouth . " You're wish will now come true . I'll put your life to an end right now .

The man aims his dagger at me to strike me the kiss of my death . 

Rrrrrrring - ring - ring . 

I stand awake from that dream in the dark house . My alarm kept ringing making me realize that I fell asleep earlier while fantasizing my death . 

Awful . I thought I am already blessed that i'm gonna die .

I woke up sadly realizing all of it was just a dream .

I wished it wasn't . 

I wished the dagger stroke me .

I wish I HAD DIED .